My beautiful Stranger :)

I remember the first time I set my eyes on him.

I remember his first words.

I felt a calm aura around him; a gentle man, a fine young confident man. That caught my attention and filled me with hunger to know more.

Safe to say, he had me at "hello" J

 As the time went by and we got talking, I got more fascinated by him. Possibly cause of his somewhat split personality or probably due to my inability to predict him.

He however strikes me as easy going, down to earth, full of life, a lover of life, but a little too guarded.

 I yearn to know more, but the walls are so high. How do I bring it down?

Once again, he’s another soul unlike me; he has a passion and is purpose driven. (Which I love to love).

He is here, and knows why he is here. Hasn't gotten there yet, but a little push, and he'd be there.

I believe in this stranger of mine.

My oh my! How could I leave out the physical? That body! That chiseled body!! Like a work of art.

I catch myself lust in a stare. (A girl is allowed to dream right?) Lol.

At the end, his eyes, his words, his tone and his actions all send me different signals. Unpredictable Jay! I don't know... time will tell.

...that sweet incredible you.

Dawn wakes him up with a smile,  his mind only in thoughts of her warm smile.

Her fragrance is all it takes to make a dull day glow.

Her voice an all-time soothing.

He thinks nothing else but her happiness.

In her mind is a picture of a garden,  flowers blossoming,  butterflies in the air,  the peaceful sound of the water flow.

She pauses in stride to ease off the stress of life. "Serenity". Perfect love story.

He is her love story... Dawn wakes her to a smile. She is in his T-shirt.

She opens her eyes to the aroma of breakfast in bed served by him.

In the second of bliss, a question crosses her mind: What do you do when the wrong one loves you right? *sigh*

THE MYSTERY OF BEING HERE

I took out time to go through my past posts, and I’ve noticed I sound somewhat like a saddist.

Lol *sigh* oh well… you can’t blame me. It’s a crazy  world we live in out here.

Too many mysteries, unaswered questions and doubts.

Ever wish you could pause time and try to comprehend all around you?

Get to wonder what your purpose here on earth is?

Ever just ask why?

Wonder if there is really a heaven?

Tempted to feel all we have is here and right now?

Wonder if we live life in circles? If we keep coming back in different bodies when we’re gone?  “Re-incarnation”.

Damn! Life is hard!!!

And tiring!

I’m tired of constantly trying figure out my purpose.

What am I here on earth for?

Have you figured yours out?

How did you come to that conclusion?

Is life just a whirlwind of unending questions?

Do we really have choices? Or all we are doing has been pre-destined?

The bible says HE knew us before we were born, and no strand of hair falls out our hair without his knowledge.

Why then is sin prevalent in the world?  Why is there war?  Violence?  Hate?  Robbery?  Gossip? Prostitution? Ardent poverty? Rape?  Early deaths?  Heart aches?  Hurt?  Why?

Why has HE allowed us play these roles?

Why not just stop us from the get go?

Why?

Whats the point?

Makes me doubt my faith atimes. It’s beginning to seem like some words just used to soothe our selves. “it is well”,  “God knows best”,  “HE wouldn’t give you a cross you can’t carry”.

Aaaarrrghhh!!!  The weight of this cross of mine has been too heavy to carry.

Cold world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A letter to my Daddy

Hello daddy, 

hope you are fine?  It's 18th february today, 363 days ( 2 days to a year) since I realized calling, texting, or seeing you was NEVER gonna be possible. 

I've really missed you daddy.

When you passed on, I couldn't wait for the burial, thought I'd feel better afterwards, but I didn't. Thought I'd feel better after a month, but months passed on, and nothing changed. It's already a year now, and it still feels like yesterday.

I can't help but ask how and why God picks some of us and makes us go through and live with such pain. 

Of late, I see you a lot in my dreams.  Could it be that your soul is lingering around earth now that it's almost a year? The  other night, I saw you in my dream, I ran after you and screamed but you didn't  seem to hear my voice. That really broke my heart, I wanted just a word with you.

It's true what they say daddy, you never really know what you have till it's gone.

I remember all our silly fights and I wish I could take them all back and use that moment to spend quality father - daughter moments with you.

I ache when I see some folks nag and not wanna keep in touch with their dads/mums, cause I'll give it all up to spend just 10seconds with you, hug you tight and tell you I love you.

Life has been tough without you, really tough. 

I sometimes feel I'd never be truly completely happy cause of this emptiness I feel in my heart,  and i feel you would have handled issues differently if you were here (really wonder how you were able to do it all, all by yourself) . I do miss you soooooo much.

Hey daddy, don't be sad now. Your absence has made me stronger,I'm a fighter now. I never let go, I hang on and trust God. 

I aspire to be selfless like you too, I try to always practice humility, peace and unity just like you always did and preached. 

Due to the man that you were, blessings have been coming our way, and I know you are right there with God interceding on our behalf. 

I've got a job now, so has Annie. Terhemba graduated with good grades awaiting his NYSC, Torrumun is in his final year (Law) , aspiring to step into your shoes.*sigh*

Mummy? Mummy has been really strong and amazing!  She surprised me too, I never thought she would be able to make it on earth a day without you, cause of how attached to you she was, but I thank God, cause she's been strong. She has taken the farm to a whole new level, and has even started producing table water.  After your name actually "Orvenz" table water. Not too bad right? We'd keep hanging on. Continue to rest well till we meet again.   p:s Hope you had a lovely valentines day up there? :) I love you.

Stick to you!

I woke up this morning and the saying

     "Stick to what works for you, leave the rest". Kept resounding in my head.

Truth is we are all different beings, here on earth for different purposes.
And every individuals idea of happiness differs.
Methods in which one might use in achieving heights in life might not necessarily work for you.
People on the outside would always have their perceptions, but they "really never really know".
Only he who wears the shoes actually knows where it pinches.

Contenment is key.
Appreciate what you have.
Don't ever let those who ''think'' they have it better lead you astray.
Of course, they might be trying to help out of a good heart, but be sure to think it through, because one wrong move could make you loose it all.

So i'd say,
Be you, Do you and Stick to what makes you happy, Leave the rest.

MY SWEET MOMMA :*

                           

Big round soulful eyes,

A heartwarming and charming smile,

A big heart,

Fair luscious skin,

Meek as a dove, wise as a serpent

Calm, level headed, smart, strong, intelligent and beautiful.

Beautiful both on the outside and on the inside

She’s got the most beautiful soul…

I know this sounds fantastic and unrealistic,

Somewhat like I’m describing a super human right?

Well, you’ve got that right!

She is a super woman, and she is my mum.

   ''… Even when she is a mess, she still puts

      on a vest with an ‘’S’’ on her chest ’’.

One of the lessons life has taught me in recent times is to appreciate those we love while we still can.

Let them know how much they mean to you.

No games!

Mothers are a special gift from God,

I’m thankful to have one.

She is so selfless, puts us (her kids) before her, how she does that is beyond me. She says I’ll understand when I someday have kids of my own.

Because of her, through God of cause I am where I am today.

She stood by my dad through it all and built for us this beautiful home J

I’ve come to see how strong a woman she is, and appreciate her even more.

She lost the one man she has ever loved.

The one man she had ever known since she was seventeen, and been married to for 27 years.

She lost her best friend and soul mate, but still yet she gets up from her bed every morning, wipes her tears , says her prayers and steps out to put her business together.

She doesn’t let her sorrows weigh her down.

Her mum should have named her ‘’Tavershima’’ to top up Dooshima (her name) which perfectly describes her.

I draw strength from her strength,

She gives me a reason to smile every day, stay strong , pick up my pieces and move on.

She is my role model and my hero.

My guardian angel on earth.

I don’t have to wait for mother’s day to appreciate her.

Just want to say I love her just cause it’s Friday :D

I LOVE YOU MUMMY!

May the almighty grant you long life, peace and happiness *muaah*

Yup! AND ANOTHER BUFF CAME CALLING ON FOR ME…

Yep! Birthdays are a really big deal to me. Matter of fact, I always make noise about mine once I step into the month of May J …

I always spark something special to tick that date. It is either I am throwing a party, chilling out with friends or buying something really pretty for myself… Or sometimes, a bit of all. This brings to mind the vivid memories of my eigth birthday. I kept telling my mum I wanted a party, but she was quiet about it. I can’t remember if I knew if the import of her silence meant no or if I felt she was planning something for me. Well, I went ahead and told all my friends within the neighborhood and out that it was my birthday, and I was having a party. My mum came home that afternoon to see the house filled with children. LOL… She had no choice than to order drinks and snacks to serve my guests, and I got my party! That’s how bad it is J

My birthday this year was different. As May’s wind blew by, I felt indifferent about its 10^th – my day. This was going to be my first birthday without my dad. He was never good at remembering birthdays, but as a child, I always sang it to him and got a gift from him.  He wasn’t in town on my 21^st birthday, but my mum reminded him. He called that day wished me a happy birthday and asked what my plans were for the New Year. I told him I was 21 and ‘So I’m moving out of the house!’ That sure made him laugh real hard. He still made fun of it when he came home the following weekend. I should mention here that it’s a tradition in my family to wake the celebrant up by 12am and sing a birthday song to them. On my 22^nd, Dad was around and sang to me with the rest of the family.

My birthday last year is one I would always remember. Dad was far away. He called me that beautiful morning and gave me loads of advice, without a birthday wish. Just as he was about to end the call, I was like ‘Daddy is that all you have to tell me?’ He was genuinely confused and asked if there was something else. I told him it was my birthday! He apologized for his forgetfulness and said his spirit just led him to me that morning. He had felt the urge to call me. He then wished me a happy birthday. I don’t know why, but that made me smile all through the day and for a long time afterwards...

Maybe it was because it was Dad’s final ‘Happy Birthday’… Hmm.

This year I knew was going to be different, and I told myself I wasn’t going to mark the day. By 12am, I lay on my bed and cried my heart out. I knew dad wouldn’t join in the singing that would usher me into my unique ‘New Year’ this time or any other for the rest of my days on earth. I dozed a bit…

By 5am mum (God keep and bless her) woke me up and prayed for me. It was soothing. Now, trust me, there’s nothing greater than a praying mum.

I had some training that day but there were a few morning rituals to fulfill which I ‘conquered’. I enjoyed seeing my pretty face on bbm as so many peoples display picture, Was loving the Facebook and Twitter love (don’t we all?). Next thing, my telephone network provider (MTN) decided to mess up! In the process of swapping SIM cards, I lost everything on my Black Berry from contacts to pictures, videos and also songs. What a birthday present! Yuck! The tears came to my eyes and I could feel their banks nearly flooding. I felt like crying. Mercifully, I didn’t and got my BB fixed by my friend Bob the geek J

I teased my friend Hembie and asked her to throw me a surprise party. Deep down I told myself I wasn’t going to do anything near celebrating no matter what. I was rebelling. I wanted to mourn my dad. Whenever anyone asked where it was happening (in usual recognition of the yearly bash), I looked them straight in the eye and said ‘NOWHERE! I’m not doing anything!’ The look of surprise was always there. That strangely made me feel good and in control.

The training finished really early that day, I decided to drop by the office and that’s how a lovely day began to unfold. My friend Doosuur Waghbo dropped by and gave me some very lovely cupcakes. Precious also got me a very lovely massive birthday cake with my name on it. Good gracious, I was overwhelmed and felt special. The calls kept coming in, and not surprisingly, they all kept asking where it was going down. I was obstinate at first refusing anything would happen but at some point, I had to take a minute to rethink things. I thought to myself and wondered who I was fooling. Daddy would want me to celebrate, he would want me to choose life over death, he would want me to celebrate being a year older and be happy. [Plus who could resist the call of life!]  I then passed by the bank withdrew some lil money and called my friends to hook up at Sofa Lounge by 7pm.

On getting home, I met my sister Annie (God bless her lovely soul). She gave me this really cute shoes as a gift, I was shocked and so excited not just because the shoes were pretty, but because my sister isn’t exactly a gift kind of person. I was moved that she’d go out of her way just to make me smile. Just as we sat gisting, friends started to drop by. First was Drew, next was Mimi with a perfume (Burberry sports) for me. Hembie came in with another huge birthday cake and then Bob with a bottle of an expensive fine wine J. Hembie was the architect who had put it all together. She brought them all together, for me. I got my surprise party after all. Lol… love that silly girl. Wow!

I refreshed a bit and got dressed. We headed out to Sofa Lounge. Mimi insisted I wear a short dress and heels when I wanted to settle for flats *sigh* they were on a mission to make me have a lovely day, and I just had to obey.

Then we got to Sofa Lounge, all my peoples were there, Semag, Kuranen, Member, Kwinny, Nkem, Myque, Oketa, Napoleon,Echi, Funmi and Doo Ukih (who gave a pretty collar chain there).

We all drank, ate, danced and sang (and gosh did we sing! It was a Karaoke night).

When it was time to head home, my friends all pulled a Voltron on me and ended up paying the bill for the evening. I went back home with the money I withdrew from the bank, and even a little extra from their voltron act J

On getting home, Hembie sent me a voice note which I listened to before sleeping. It was a little prayer. What a way to end a perfect day, I told myself, as I stepped into dream land.

So, my birthday this year on which I planned to mourn all day turned out to be my bestest ever yet. I got lots of gifts and love, thanks to my lovely friends and incredible family. There were even those out there praying for me – thanks. I really think that in all times, we need them – family and friends. We need people. And yes, we should celebrate life more for who knows where the next second would leave us?

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL. *muaaah*

P.S: And yes of course, I am already waiting next year’s… See ya!